I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I looked at my own cervix.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
