so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
