Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

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(925): View more from California

He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you

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(408): View more from California

We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.

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(970): View more from Colorado

And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out

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(206): View more from Washington

I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?

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