I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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