i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
