why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
