Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
