I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
