guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
