I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
