WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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