And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
