Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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