people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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