No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize