im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
