he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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