Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
