Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
