Michael Bay diarrhea
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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