tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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