the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
