Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
