if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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