Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
