I feel like abortions should bother me more
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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