I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize