I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
