i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who died my cat blue again?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
