return my video game
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
