my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
