Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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