You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
