i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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