I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
