not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
