Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
