someone threw a dead crab at me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
