Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
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Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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