Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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