If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
