Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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