Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
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Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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