I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
