so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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