i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
