You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
