i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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