It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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