I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
