dude i'm inner monologue high
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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