she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize