can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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