Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
