Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
