when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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