Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
