There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
