She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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